From: Cat
Date: April 26, 2011
Re: Royal Wedding
Dog:
I previously knew nothing of this generation's royal coupling, so I would firstly like to condemn you to Hell for making me aware of it. This Kate Middleton girl is cute. I like her hats, as they frequently are adorned with feathers, and I enjoy shredding feathers.
But having Wikipedia'd her, I notice that she is the daughter of common folk. Her parents were both flight attendants, and apparently her father wasn't gay. That was before they started a mail-order company selling party supplies. At first I couldn't believe anyone as cunning a ruler as Her Royal Highness would even allow such a pairing, and then I saw it:
If my grandson resembled an adult film producer, I'd rush to find a pairing with a woman far removed from the royal family, too. Genetic diversity is the spice of life.
As for your party, you must be fucking crazy if you think I'm waking up at 5 o'clock in the morning to partake of tasteless, flat, round sponges and greasy sticks of battered fish and potatoes. In the real world Prince William would be just another balding, middle-management-type, and Kate would reside in a two-story cottage in Essex with her husband, Edward, a local real estate agent, and their three children.
Cat
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