To: Human
From: Cat
Date: April 13, 2011
Re: Last Night's Savage Attack
Human:
I take it that you have forgiven Dog, as it's still living amongst us. That's fine, because I know you would never let her kill me; god forbid you actually had to clean up that mess (or any other mess, really).
And you can't blame me for what happened. Who the hell knew she was so touchy about being called fat (for the record, I muttered the word "chubby" under my breath, which in some cultures is considered a compliment).
But you know what? This harrowing experience has taught me that I need to be a nicer cat. A cat that loves cuddles. You know you love this face.
xoxo,
Cat
Dear Cat:
I don't know what to say, and you know me, that is something like, totes unheard of! All I remember was I was chewing on a rawhide chip (those are like, my favorite-ist things EVER) and you walked up to me. Remember, I told you before I have some food aggression issues and I don't like it when you try to touch my food while I'm using it? Well BOO-ya bitch, you believe me now!? Ahem...I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from.
Anyway, there's no excusing my behavior, and I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry! I really hope I didn't hurt you, because if I did I would be so sad! I feel just TERRIBLE! See? Look at my face: I'm heartbroken. I know you like smelling me and my food (and I don't know why, exactly, but as people say, "different strokes for different folks" or something like that), so I'll try super duper hard next time to control myself, I promise!
Let's work things out,
Dog
P.S. - I also think I might have heard you call me a 'fatty' while I was enjoying my rawhide, but that must have just been my imagination, right?
